Change starts with an ending. Change doesn’t start like we wish it would, neatly packaged, presented on a silver platter, with a card letting us know, “Here is your new beginning prepared just for you.”
Since we are not yet sure what all is ending, we are also not sure what it will cost us, making it hard to craft our way through the uncertainty, let alone find a clear, steady center so we can stand strong.
We’re starting to find some clarity in the chaos. Today, with the three day old shelter-in-place announcement, we can see a lot of things ending: the flow of traffic into small businesses, the freedom to move about, a cherished ticket to an international soccer match, a concert ticket, jaunts to local restaurants, visiting elderly parents, kids leaving for school, regular employment, officemates, and routines.
Endings are tough and we all approach them differently. Some resist, peering over the edge. Others move fast and don’t look back. One client of mine doesn’t intentionally end things; she lets them dribble to a close. Another client reports he doesn’t mind endings, but only when they’re on his own terms.
One way to stand strong in the midst of change is to recognize the three phases that William Bridges suggested make up any change—the Ending, The Middle Passage, and the New Beginning.
Whether going through personal or organizational change (or both), there are tasks specific to each phase. Remember, that which you resist persists. Accept what is so. Engage in these tasks fully to create a positive momentum in the change.
The Ending Phase can dramatically change processes, systems, culture, and people. The trick is to consciously acknowledge what is coming to an end and what remains the same. Grieve together. Encourage real conversations about who has to let go of what. Notice the intangible losses. Ask what needs to be said to feel complete. Welcome the unknown. Appreciate people a lot.
The Middle Passage of any transition puts us on a rollercoaster of disorientation and chaos. We disrupt old patterns as we shift away from the systems and structures, we relied on to get work done. Roles change, and fear and anxiety arise with the unknowns. Resistance surfaces as we hold on tight to old habits, locked into the way we have done things. We hit the edge of our competency, knowledge, and skills when we find that we don’t have, or don’t believe we have, what it takes to work this through for everyone.
With support and conscious development of our skills to lead through change, we shift the way we behave and communicate, and what we expect of others. We begin to think differently as rigid patterns break down and transform into new possibilities.
During the transition time, we can courageously ask the questions that need to be asked. Step into conversations that motivate you. Look for new resources, rely on those who thrive during change, and affirm that you will make it through. Pivot. Move in new directions.
The bigger the change, the more dynamic the transition from the old state to the new. There will be chaos, ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected obstacles. A major change brings more of everything, including an increased number of opportunities.
The New Beginning materializes as revised structures, systems, and agreements settle into place. As we bring conscious awareness to our leadership we can create a clear picture of what’s next; let people know what they expect; reinforce new protocols. It’s a great time to act courageously and put into place what we want to see more of in the future.
To strengthen the New Beginning, we take steps to be complete with the past. Reach out to old friends to bring closure to where an abrupt ending left a bad feeling. Send emails of reassurance, of support, and of availability. Be generous. Buy gift certificates from the local coffee shop to support their cash flow.
Present and aware we can feel how less leaves a sacred stillness in its wake. Listen. Does the beach or hillside call for an early-morning walk? Pause to see the spring leaves unfurl in the early morning light.
Remember that in any ending, there are unexpected new beginnings. New evidence shows how COVID-19 has lowered global air pollution which will save lives. Today in Venice, Italy, the water runs clear. In China, the black smudge of pollution has disappeared from satellite imagery.
Pay attention to beginnings. This is an opportunity to assess many aspects of our lives and work, and what changes might be possible when we shift habits and act differently starting today.
When we mine the uncertainty for what is emerging, the new possibilities excite us and move us in new ways. Use the transition phase wisely.
We can stand strong. Share our stability with others. Place our focus on what is ending. Then, take a breath—a full breath, and let go, at least for the moment. Let the endings end, so that the new beginnings can take hold.